00:00:00 Hello! Greetings and welcome to Se7en commentary! If you previously read my Dawn of the Dead remake commentary, you already know that these posts are nowhere near serious. Like, take ‘serious’, drive five states away, and then dig to China. Don’t get me wrong, I love horror movies. I love their concepts and the aesthetic value of them. The whole jump-scare culture, not so much; that’s the thing that actually scares me and I hate myself for it. Why can’t I be afraid of something cool??
Horror Holiday was born from absentmindedly live tweeting horror movies that I watched. To save all of my followers from two hours of non-stop banter, I created a blog. I like to poke fun, make inane pop culture references, construct side plots and devise new meanings and themes out of thin air. Any pop culture reference I make is not intended slander, it is mainly because it’s the first thought that popped into my head when watching the film.
Now don’t get me wrong; just because I mock and create silly twists in horror movies does not mean that I am immune to their terror. I’ve actually found that the sillier the imaginary side plot is, the scarier the movie.
I wanted to create this blog commentary for those who enjoy horror movies or for those who are too afraid to see them. I fall within both categories. There are films that I will not see because I am gravely horrified by them. But curiosity rips at me. I’ll go and read Wikipedia plot summaries, scroll through message boards just to get a glimpse of what I’m missing out on, while making sure not get too close. That is why I think this blog is interesting. People who don’t like horror movies are always wondering about them. Let me watch them for you. Let me tell you about them in ways that make them light, fluffy, silly. And maybe you can fall in love with some of the beauty in this twisted genre.
Oh, and obvious spoilers ahead.
00:00:05 So Se7en is director David Fincher’s second real movie. His first was Alien3. It is a slight miracle that Fincher was allowed the creative licensing to produce a movie like Se7en after Alien3’s suckitude.
00:00:40 Detective Morgan Freeman prepares for his last first long day of hunting down serial killers. Even in 1995, Morgan Freeman is still considered the ‘old retiring detective’. He’s pretty much made a career out of being old and wise.
00:01:32 Mustache cop says the force will be real glad when Morgan Freeman leaves, which is strange. A minute-thirty into the film and Freeman has said nothing offensive or anything. Mustache cop may just be a dick. Ten seconds later, mustache cop walks out and young Brad Pitt comes running up the stairs. Mustache cop is never seen again. Are they the same person?? Are you Tyler Durden?!
00:01:47 I previously live tweeted Se7en on my twitter account and I mentioned how Brad Pitt has made two iconic movies with director David Fincher: Se7en and Fight Club. I compared them to Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio. Leo and Scorsese have made a number of movies together such as, Gangs of New York, The Departed, Shutter Island, and most recently Wolf of Wall Street. Honestly, for all the hype Scorsese and DiCaprio get, they don’t make many great movies. Shutter Island would be my favorite out of that group but it doesn’t have a very popular following. Fight Club and Se7en are iconic. All you have to do is mention the ending to someone and they can name the film.
00:02:03 Pitt is the new detective on the block. Hot-shot, shoot ‘em up ‘nd git er’ done attitude. Morgan Freeman is the old school detective, keen on good ol’ fashioned book research and detail. Anddddd, action!
00:04:17 Morgan Freeman falls asleep to a grimly ticking metronome. Cue opening credits!
00:04:53 Haunting imagery of serial killer reading through books, prepping for his murders. In case you don’t know the plot, Se7en is about a serial killer whose killings are influenced by the seven deadly sins. Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride.
00:07:43 Brad Pitt waits in the rain with two coffees, one for him and one for Freeman. Awwww! New friends! Freeman rejects this sign of friendship though. Gosh, no wonder mustache cop wants Freeman off the force! By the way, it rains nearly every day in this film. I’m surprised there are no flash floods by the end. It’s like the film takes place during Hurricane Sandy or something.
00:09:26 Freeman and Pitt investigate a crime scene using torch flashlights. Since Se7en, nobody has been able to catch that same imagery of torches like Fincher. When you think of Se7en, you think of the seven deadly sins, *major spoiler ending*, and the goddamn torches.
00:09:40 Freeman and Pitt uncover their victim: majorly fat dead dude face down in his food. Majorly Fat Dead Dude also has his hands and feet tied. So, obviously, he died during a pie eating contest.
00:11:03 Pitt concludes murder. I still conclude death by pie eating contest.
00:12:19 Pitt is super friendly, introducing himself to all the cops on site. This pisses Freeman off, so Freeman sends Pitt to do traffic duty while he wraps up crime scene. No new friends.
00:13:27 Pitt asks Freeman to take him seriously. “Don’t jerk me off, man,” Pitt pleas, “just be real with me, and don’t jerk me off.” Freeman looks at Pitt, but no response. Freeman can’t promise not to jerk Pitt off.
00:13:34 What is the Vegas over/under on Majorly Fat Dead Dude’s weight. I got (-130) on over 340 pounds and (-115) on the under.
00:15:02 Freeman and Pitt decide that cause of death was not pie eating contest related, conclude someone made him eat to death. I still don’t buy it.
00:16:33 Freeman tells the Chief that he wants off the case because he’s retiring soon and he doesn’t believe he can close it before retirement. Outraged, Pitt tells Freeman, “fuck that,” and tries to poach the case. Someday, I hope Pitt and Freeman can be happy together. Are there any Se7en Freeman/Pitt shippers? Or is that way too much of a niche?
00:18:39 Pitt hangs out in swivel chair in a murdered defense attorney’s office while watching Breaking News Bulletin about murdered defense attorney.
00:19:12 GREED
00:20:10 Chief informs Freeman, who is back at the office typing on a goddamn type writer (because he’s old fashioned, get it??), that murdered defense attorney has been murdered with greed written in blood on the floor. Freeman is back in the game! Nobody writes bloody buzz words on his crime scene! NOT WHILE HE’S ON THE FORCE!
00:23:05 Freeman returns to crime scene of Majorly Fat Dead Dude to find GLUTTONY etched into the wall behind the refrigerator. Morgan Freeman will not stand for vandalism any longer!!
00:23:55 With those two clues, Freeman has already figured that the murders must relate to the seven deadly sins because old man Freeman was around when they were established. Freeman even got a say in them! He wanted to add, “Get off my damn lawn!” but it got voted down.
00:24:50 Day 244 and it still rains. No one is concerned.
00:28:01 ‘Old Man’ Freeman goes to the library to do research. While he reads the Divine Comedy and Canterbury Tales for clues on the seven deadly sins, HOT SHOT Pitt pours over crime scene notes. If only they were together, they’d make the perfect team!
00:30:28 Pitt finally picks up a copy of the Canterbury Tales Cliff Notes. Look, he’s maturing before our eyes!
00:30:57 Freeman, who is supposed to be moved out of Pitt’s new office, hasn’t left. Now we get an awkward ‘sharing desk’ scene and the cute, ‘who answers the phone’ cliche.
00:32:01 What do you mean there’s no cult following for Freeman/Pitt shippers??
00:32:45 Pitt’s wife, Gwyneth Paltrow, invites Morgan Freeman to dinner at their place. What a matchmaker!
00:36:12 Awkward dinner conversation is awkward. Paltrow acts as the conversation driver for Freeman and Pitt.
00:37:40 Paltrow leaves and Pitt/Freeman share their separate notes on the case. They’re bonding!!
00:42:07 Freepitt (or Pittman) are back on the case!
00:44:50 Freepitt reinvestigate murdered defense attorney’s office and believe that the murderer is toying with them. He’s obviously jealous of their rekindled relationship.
00:46:51 After finding new finger prints on the wall, Freepitt fall asleep while waiting for prints to process. The rest of the police unit see them but Freepitt plays it cool when they wake up. You ain’t fooling anyone, Freepitt!
00:49:09 Finger prints are traced and SWAT team is dispatched. It is only Day 1,540 of consistent rain. Should people be less worried about all these murders and freaking the fuck out about all this rain? This is Noah’s Ark biblical status! Maybe these seven deadly sins are not about the murders and are about building an ark. Who’s been dispatched for that??
00:53:13 False alarm. Finger prints were a ploy and the SWAT team uncovers the next sin and murder victim, SLOTH.
00:55:53 So here’s a quick summary on what each seven deadly sin entails:
Lust is an intense desire, such as money, food, sex or power.
Gluttony is an over-indulgence to the point of waste.
Greed is another sin of excess and a pursuit for material possession.
Sloth is physical and spiritual laziness.
Wrath is rage.
Envy is an insatiable desire.
And Pride is considered the most serious of the seven sins. “It is identified as believing that one is essentially better than others, failing to acknowledge the accomplishments of others, and excessive admiration of the personal self (Wikipedia).”
00:58:58 Gwyneth Paltrow asks Freeman to meet up and talk, admits that she is pregnant but hasn’t told Pitt. Paltrow is being such the cock block for Freepitt right now.
01:06:12 Freepitt argue over the sanity of the murderer, pay FBI dude to get them a list of people who have checked out library books relating to the seven deadly sins.
01:07:57 Freepitt are able to track the library card of a Jonathan Doe to his apartment address. Upon knocking a few times, a man walks up an empty corridor towards them, sees Freepitt and shoots. John Doe’s typically aren’t so lethal!
01:10:02 Pitt auditions for ‘action movie star’ role by chasing John Doe through apartment complex until he is attacked by ninja John Doe with a crowbar, breaking his arm. Doe puts a gun up to Pitt’s head but Freeman comes just in time to chase Doe off.
01:17:15 Freepitt returns to John Doe’s apartment and discover Doe is their guy. Doe has radicalist christianity paraphernalia, photos of the murders and even a photograph of Pitt. Doe obviously gots the hots for Pitt. Freeman withholds his jealousy.
01:20:45 Pitt confirms a drawn police sketch of John Doe, who looks an awful like Walter White. Forensic team fails to find finger prints in John Doe’s apartment.
01:22:33 John Doe phone home! Doe calls his house phone and Pitt picks up. Doe instantly tells Pitt that he thinks he’s cute, stutters and hangs up. He was obviously blushing way too hard to ask Pitt to junior prom.
01:24:08 Okay, so in movie time, it’s only been six days. In my commentary time, we are up to Day 11,342. But it is still fucking raining. Is no one building an ark yet??
01:25:38 Via a photograph pulled from Doe’s apartment, Freepitt track down a prostitute. Upon reaching the club, police have already taped up a crime scene. They find the prostitute dead and LUST etched onto the door.
01:32:09 Other stuff happens. Not to discount any of it, there’s a good bar conversation between Pitt and Freeman about expectations versus reality, apathy versus virtue. It’s just that this commentary is satirical and I can’t really cover those type of ideologies and mock them.
01:33:18 PRIDE
01:34:17 Freepitt returns to office after investigating pride crime scene.
01:34:46 John Doe arrives at police station and turns himself in, covered in blood, screaming the detective’s name.
01:34:48 And it’s Kevin freaking Spacey.
01:36:21 Kevin Spacey is two sins away from finishing all seven deadly sins. He claims that there are two more bodies but he will only show Freepitt.
01:37:05 Spacey once again admits his love for Pitt, this time via lawyer surrogate. Spacey is reallyyy threatening to ruin this Freepitt ship I’ve been pushing.
01:38:00 Spacey’s got Toby Ziegler as his lawyer. So that’s where Toby was before serving in the White House!
01:39:00 Freepitt accepts terms to escort Spacey to the final two bodies in exchange for his confession.
01:40:02 Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt make small talk while shaving their chests, discussing life after the case. I am not even kidding. This is an actual scene.
01:43:05 Spacey preaches about his work, what it means significance-wise to the world. Spacey is obviously trying too hard to impress Pitt, who is unimpressed.
01:43:24 Pitt tells Spacey that he is not special. That he is not a beautiful or unique snowflake. That he is the same decaying organic matter as everything else. And with that, Fight Club was born.
01:44:08 Spacey is making this love rectangle very complicated. Spacey admires Pitt, who loves his wife and secretly admires Freeman. Gwyneth Paltrow is with child but only Freeman knows that Pitt and Paltrow are pregnant. Freeman is quietly humbled by Spacey’s insane dedication and genius but still feels a strong bond with Pitt, who he has now spent a whole week past his retirement date with. Are you all still with me?
01:47:54 Spacey goes on monologue of his acts and a social commentary on the seven deadly sins. Not going to cover all of that, but it’s interesting. Check out plot summaries for Se7en if you’re interested in reading about his reasoning.
01:49:44 Pitt calls Spacey a, “movie of the week, a fucking t-shirt, at best.” Ouch. Spacey doesn’t seem to take the hint that Pitt’s not that into him. Also, what’s the over/under for times Pitt used this same dialogue as a pick up line?
01:51:31 Freeman stops the car in the middle of desert. They take Spacey out of the vehicle and he stumbles them in the direction of his crimes.
01:53:15 A white van approaches in the distance. Pitt gets Spacey down on the ground and Freeman goes to intercept the vehicle.
01:54:49 White delivery van has a package for Pitt. Freeman takes it as Pitt/Spacey stare from a distance. The delivery man produces a square box.
01:56:23 Freeman opens the box.
01:56:29 “There’s blood,” says Freeman
01:56:36 Freeman fully opens the box. Gasps.
01:56:45 Turns around and sprints toward Pitt, who still has Spacey under gun point.
01:57:01 Spacey starts monologuing to Pitt about Gwyneth Paltrow as Freeman sprints towards Pitt. “I admire you, Detective,” Spacey begins.
01:57:49 “I went to your home, after you left,” says Spacey, “tried to play husband.”
01:58:03 “It didn’t work out,” Spacey continues as Freeman approaches, “so I took a souvenir. Her.. pretty… head.”
01:58:08 Freeman arrives.
01:58:12 “What was in the box” Pitt asks Freeman, “show me what’s in the box.”
01:58:18 “… because I envy you, Detective,” Spacey maintains, “it seems like ENVY is my sin.”
01:58:21 “…ooooh what’s in the booox,” Pitt ignores Spacey, “what’s in the fucking box!”
01:58:32 “I just told you,” Spacey answers for Freeman.
01:58:39 Pitt threatens to shoot Spacey, Freeman tries to reason with Pitt that Spacey wants to be shot.
01:58:45 “Become,” Spacey endures, “WRATH.”
01:59:00 Spacey breaks the news of Paltrow’s pregnancy to Pitt, only makes things worse. “Oh. You didn’t know?”
01:59:47 “If you kill him,” Freeman speaks calmly, “he will win.”
02:00:17 Pitt kills Spacey.
02:01:04 Pitt is taken away in police car. Freeman’s career is finally over. End of Freepitt.
End Credits
So that’s a wrap on Se7en! Within the confines of an investigation case regarding a serial killer, we also found a massive love rectangle that somehow concludes itself in the end. Out of envy for Pitt, Spacey kills Gwyneth Paltrow. Pitt kills Spacey out of wrath. Freeman breaks up with Pitt, as Pitt must now undergo trial and Freeman finally accepts retirement. We have all grown.
Se7en is a very well done film, I definitely recommend it. Despite all my mocking and sarcasm, it is a very dark movie and very gory. While you do not see any of the actual crimes being committed, you do witness the crime scenes. And it does get weird.
I hope you have enjoyed this commentary for Se7en.
Sources
- Se7en. Dir. David Fincher. Perf. Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt. New Line Productions, 1995.
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins
- Cover Image
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